


If Only They Loved Me

by ABigChaoticSad



Series: One-Shots! [5]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, How Do I Tag, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Rejection, Soulmates, Suicide, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:28:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25645066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ABigChaoticSad/pseuds/ABigChaoticSad
Summary: Sometimes mistakes have deadly consequences.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Kindaichi Yuutarou, Iwaizumi Hajime/Kunimi Akira, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kageyama Tobio/Kindaichi Yuutarou, Kageyama Tobio/Kunimi Akira, Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru, Kindaichi Yuutarou/Kunimi Akira, Kindaichi Yuutarou/Oikawa Tooru, Kunimi Akira/Oikawa Tooru, iwaizumi hajime/oikawa tooru/kageyama tobio/kunimi akira/kindaichi yuutarou
Series: One-Shots! [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1856083
Comments: 43
Kudos: 413





	If Only They Loved Me

**Author's Note:**

> How much angst is too much angst?

Kageyama learned very young that his parents didn’t like his soulmates. Their first problem was the fact he had more than one. Four names decorated his wrist, and his parents called it wrong.

When he started middle school, his parents were even angrier, finding out that the names were all boys. They told Tobio to his face that they regretted having him, regretted having a son who’s destined to be with boys. They made him cover his marks with long sleeves or sports sleeves. They talked about how those relationships never worked, that they always fell apart.

And his soulmates didn’t make it much better themselves.

Oikawa, for some reason, began to hate him. Even going as far as rejecting him. And Kageyema didn’t know what he did wrong, he just tried his best to impress him. Iwaizumi, although not doing it outright, followed suit. But Kageyama didn’t blame him, Oikawa and Iwaizumi had known each other practically their whole lives after all. But Kunimi and Kindaichi started following too. 

And that was a slow, painful process. 

It started with the weekend visits stopping. It happened every week, then maybe once a week, then every couple weeks or so. Then they stopped walking him home, claiming that they needed to get home soon or that they forgot. The excuses hurt so much that Kageyama started staying even later at practice, trying to escape the terrible excuses and hopefully save himself the heartache. Then they stopped hanging out with him during school too, avoiding him at lunch or during breaks. Then stopped practicing with him, getting other partners and doing lackluster work when paired together.

That’s when Kageyama broke initially. He practiced hard and didn’t let his opinion go unheard. And, when they left him in the middle of the game, he tore up his acceptance letter from Seijoh, figuring there was no way to make this up. They didn’t want him, the other two didn’t want him, so he’d prove to them that he didn’t need them, that he could-

He knew what he really wanted. He still wanted to prove that he was enough for them, enough to be loved by them.

When his parents died suddenly in the crash, he didn’t stop covering his marks. But he sat alone at their funeral, his sister not being able to make it - not making the time for it because of how horrible they were to Kageyama. But Kageyama couldn’t stay away, their ridicule and hateful speech was all he really knew.

His sister was declared custody, given he only had a few years until he was an adult. And the house had been in the family name, meaning they needn’t pay or move. Kageyama learned to take care of himself.

When he first revealed to Hinata his arm, his eyes went dull and tears welled up. He didn’t cry, not even when it was revealed to the team two weeks later. They didn’t know what to say, didn’t know how to comfort him. After all, it wasn’t common.

It wasn’t common to have four fading names on your arms.

Tobio was never interested in cutting. And he never quite understood why. He figured because he didn’t actually like pain, or that he had to wear short sleeves often as he was in sports, or even because he didn’t want Miwa to worry.

But he wanted nothing more than to hurt himself right now - to force himself pain if only to distract him from this. From seeing them so happy together. Seeing Oikawa making Kindaichi laugh, Iwaizumi’s fond smile, and Kunimi’s soft one. They loved each other so easily.

It was Hinata’s stupid idea to hang out at the cafe - his stupid idea to sit in the corner so that they could see everyone. His stupid idea to wait for Yamaguchi, Yachi, and Tsukishima there and not anywhere else. And it would have been fine, as they hadn’t noticed him and he was choosing to ignore them, if Yachi hadn’t yelled out at seeing them.

“Hinata-Kun! Kageyama-Kun!”

Kageyama pointedly looked away from them, but could feel their stares. Could feel his arm almost  _ burning _ at the attention, as if they were trying to see through his long sleeves.

When they lost to Seijoh, he was just tired. Tired of trying his best for people who wouldn’t care, people he couldn’t convince he deserved it. He had failed and he was too tired to come back from it.

He texted Hinata, reminding him that Karasuno would win next time. That there was no doubt in that, that he’d be the next tiny giant and reach the top.

He called Miwa, telling her he loved her and good luck on exams, as she was too busy to really talk. He texted her the rest of his message, thanking her for taking him in and protecting him for all these years. For trying to make him feel normal.

And he sighed, pausing a minute before going to the medicine cabinet and pulling out three different bottles. Sleeping pills. Some pain reliever. His antidepressants that were a few days from expiration.

He grabbed a cup of water from his kitchen and went back to his room, texting Daichi that he’s no longer part of the team. And that he’s sorry, but good luck.

To help them fly higher than any wall.

He didn’t know when he started crying, but he noticed it finally when the tears started hitting his hands. He took a drink of water, between the three bottles he had, then laid down in his bed and went to sleep.

\----------------------------------

Oikawa choked on his water, coughing it out as his arm burned. He looked up, panicked. Iwaizumi and Kindaichi felt it too. They looked around for Kunimi, who stepped out to call his parents.

The three boys bolted outside, fearing the worst.

Kunimi was fine, but hiding his face in his hands and crying. When they approached him, they asked what’s wrong.

“Didn’t you feel it?”

The other three looked confused before it dawned on Iwaizumi, who quickly shed his jacket to look at his arm.

Under Oikawa’s and Kindaichi’s name, but above Kunimi’s name there was a scar, crossing out the name that used to be there. Iwaizumi felt tears welling and falling.

“He’s gone.”

Oikawa and Kindaichi scrambled to shed their jackets, knowing the truth but needing to see it for themselves. Kindaichi grabbed Kunimi, the two crying against each other. Oikawa jumped into action and called an ambulance, giving them Kageyama’s address and then rushing everyone over.

When arriving he threw himself against the door till it opened, hoping.

Praying.

When the paramedics got there, they did their best, rushed him into the ambulance, to the ER, but it was too late.

Kunimi, Kindaichi, Oikawa, and Iwaizumi cried that night, each of themselves begging to wake up from this nightmare, to go back if they could and prevent themselves from becoming such assholes to him.

Karasuno dressed in black wasn’t uncommon, but it was wrong this time. There was no sunshine, no light from them. And they were quiet, reserved. And they were cold to them, blaming the four for what they caused.

They cried at the funeral, they let Miwa hit them and yell at them, then helped her as she sobbed for her baby brother to come back.

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